I’m so done with being so overwhelmed by the littlest things.
It just seems like so many of the “little things” shouldn’t matter like they do. But so often I feel like I need to fix each little problem and make sure that every choice I make affects everyone around me in the most positive way.
I’m even more frustrated by the problems I can’t fix by myself. Waiting for someone else when I’m trying to fix a mistake I made is absolutely brutal. Sitting here powerless and frustrated just paralyzes me. I continue to fixate on this one issue, but there’s nothing I can do. They’re not taking any priority because it’s not making them miserable. I’m not saying it should.
I’m someone who suffers from anxiety, but I don’t even realize it. Nothing and everything has the possibility of upsetting me, depending on the time of day and the amount of things I have on my “to-do” list. Backing up a little - Stress is different than Anxiety. Stress is where there is pressure from something causing you to worry, fixate, and “stress out” about something. Anxiety, or at least in GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) is more of a constant worry about everything. You’re always thinking about what has to be done, what needs to be done soon, what catastrophe could strike, etc., and you prepare yourself for ALL OF IT. All at once.
Essentially, you prepare yourself for situations that could happen. Like if you have anxiety about a plane crashing, you constantly worry about the crash and prepare yourself for the worst. However, you don’t imagine it crashing - you just think about it. The left frontal lobe, the “word” center for our purposes, is always overworking itself, and the right brain, the “image” center then does not have as much brain power to actually imagine the crash and bring on the full ‘freak out’ emotions of the plane crash.
For some reason, being unprepared for any kind of situation, natural or not, is one of the worst things that could possibly happen. If you’re not prepared, anything could happen.
A general example for me would be when I am sitting in a common area in say, the library. I want to get into one mode, focus, and do my work. I do not want to be interrupted. Key word in that sentence is want. Instead, I get distracted or pulled away by my own thoughts, worrying about everything and nothing. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, and that’s why I am blogging about it. Because it doesn’t. And I know I’m not the only one who deals with this kind of stuff on a day to day basis.
unique, handmade book, 16 poems, din a6, with sewn bindings, hardcover;
»usually a book is just a copy - but not this one! every poem is individually written with one of my typewriters (adler triumph gabriele 10 or olivetti lettera 32), so each single page is unique. out of about 90 poems i chose 16 for each book, therefore also the contents varies and is never the same.«
if you are interested in buying this book just click here (paypal). for more information or if you have any questions, please send me an email at: anatol[at]anatol[dot]cc